And if I do, may I be struck down by lightning for my gross lack of gratitude.

2013.05.15

I will never- ever- complain about my $12 T-Mobile phone again. Who gives a crap if  it can’t receive group texts from my friends’ smart phones?  If sending it the amount of information required to access a picture would probably cause it to spontaneously explode? If people go out of their ways at bars to chastise me for my phone?

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It’s time we got some perspective, people…

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Today, I dropped it in the toilet, it was completely submerged for more than a few seconds (to be exact, something like five seconds… a.k.a. the amount of time it took me to come to terms with the fact that I had to fish my hand into a toilet bowl if I wished to continue uninterrupted communication with the rest of the world). And not only did the incident not cause any perceptible damage to my phone…it never even turned off!

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(I’m not saying it single-handedly renewed my faith in the good lord baby Jesus… or in miracles…. but I don’t say a lot of things that I believe. And god knows I say a shit ton that I don’t.)

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