Carebear txt- 10:44 am: hey, what are you guys’ SSNs? I need them asap cuz my life insurance form is due today.

Marebear txt-10:45 am: haha. That sounds *very* sketchy

Carebear txt- 10:46 am: lol. No but srsly.

Marebear txt-10:47 am: ok. whats my favorite thing about me?  (i need to know its really you asking)

Carebear txt-10:49 am: jesus, I dunno. your sense of humor? the way you steal shit from people? Your keen ability to use me needing your info as an opportunity to indirectly fish for compliments? Booty? you like so many things about yourself !!!

Marebear txt- 10:50 am: ###- ##- ####




that you’d forget

two years is too short

to sweat the small stuff



when you don’t shake it off

shrug away when that way

of being hasn’t served you



to feel you

investing in the besting

get a for goodness sake grip


A little bit too late-

you waited

a little bit too long.

I’m sorry if you hate me.


The only time there was a thoroughgoing happiness, a genuineness in manner was after a day or few hours of having been lost lost


in those books, in those ideas

Thankful for keeping my head just barely above water for just barely long enough to

not get entirely subsumed in

the social pattern production & training mills

Thankful for letting me access  those

hinting meaning bubbles  when


dropping down, just barely beautiful enough to motivate the barely chasing them floating swirling

Above me

each time for so many more times than was planned.



“Sigmund Freud often remarked that great revolutions in the history of science have but one common, and ironic, feature: they knock human arrogance off one pedestal after another of our previous conviction about our own self-importance. In Freud’s three examples, Copernicus moved our home from center to periphery, Darwin then relegated us to ‘descent from an animal world’; and, finally (in one of the least modest statements of intellectual history), Freud himself discovered the unconscious and exploded the myth of a fully rational mind. In this wise and crucial sense, the Darwinian revolution remains woefully incomplete because, even though thinking humanity accepts the fact of evolution, most of us are still unwilling to abandon the comforting view that evolution means (or at least embodies a central principle of) progress defined to render the appearance of something like human consciousness either virtually inevitable or at least predictable. The pedestal is not smashed until we abandon progress or complexification as a central principle and come to entertain the strong possibility that H. sapiens is but a tiny, late-arising twig on life’s enormously arborescent bush—a small bud that would almost surely not appear a second time if we could replant the bush from seed and let it grow again.”


—Stephen Jay Gould,  “The Evolution of Life On Earth,” Scientific American 271 (October 1994): 91.


“We talk about the ‘march from monad to man’ (old-style language again) as though evolution followed continuous pathways of progress along unbroken lineages. Nothing could be further from reality. I do not deny that, through time, the most ‘advanced’ organism has tended to increase in complexity. But the sequence from protozoan to jellyfish to trilobite to nautiloid to armored fish to dinosaur to monkey to human is no lineage at all, but a chronological set of termini on unrelated darwiniana trunks. Moreover life shows no trend to complexity in the usual sense—only an asymmetrical expansion of diversity around a starting point constrained to be simple.”


— Stephen Jay Gould, “Tires to Sandals,” Eight Little Piggies, New York: W. W. Norton, 1993, p. 322.



brew   sing

d  r  a  g  g  i n g    threw

c a r v i n g      out     skin    bind

in  red    then   black     then blue



‘Observations on the State of Degradation to Which Woman is Reduced by Various Causes

That woman is naturally weak, or degraded by concurrence of circumstances, is, I think, clear. But this position I shall simply contrast with a conclusion, which I have frequently heard fall from sensible men in favour of an aristocracy: that the mass of mankind cannot be anything, or the obsequious slaves, who patiently allow themselves to be driven forward, would feel their own consequences, and spurn their chains. Men, they further observe, submit everywhere to oppression, when they have only to lift up their heads to throw off the yoke; yet, instead of asserting their birth right, they quickly lick the dust, and say, let us eat and drink, for to-morrow we die. Women, I argue from analogy, are degraded by the same propensity to enjoy the present moment; and, at last, despise the freedom which they have not sufficient virtue to struggle to attain.’

-Mary Wollstonecraft, Chapter IV, A Vindication of the Rights of Woman (1792)


that’s the great advice that i seized on before building the little sandcastle- that worthwhile thoughts don’t come from minds not alive in not-so-great thoughts, don’t sensationalize your humanity into something it isn’t, girl. stay humble and keep the crack record wide open; say there’s the no ‘point’ to the tattoos and the blog and the rants and the reign; so no one should be confused for a second about how brightly confused you always were.


‘Women are every where in this deplorable state; for, in order to preserve their innocence, as ignorance is courteously term, truth is hidden from them, and they are made to assume an artificial character before their faculties have acquired any strength. Taught from their infancy that beauty is woman’s sceptre, the mind shapes itself to the body, and, roaming round its gilt cage, only seeks to adorn its prison.’

-Mary Wollstonecraft, A Vindication of the Rights of Woman




This society which eliminates geographical distance reproduces distance internally as spectacular separation.

-guy debord


post it

on the windshield

on the wipe her


she’s dead


say her note that

made her quote that

way that

made you want her



in that weight that

made you

cry out

from your tired

winter post


in that way that

made you

curl up

in your warm head

where you plead-


wished I’d knew that

you could do that;

wish I’d knew that

love you grew-

that you grew it

that way ,

to throw it

that way,

to blow it away






my way through

two , plus,

two more too-

saying cheers

to two more years,


here’s to you


January 4th-6th- Enjoyed an amazing camping trip to Lake Talquin with  my incredible friends (Gabs, Ryan, Charlie, Agata, Chad, Jeff, Cary and Sean) , our awesome dogs, Cheddar and Izzy (Agata/Chad’s dog, Sean’s dog)…..and Billy came too. (We had agreed it was the perfect way to celebrate Carebear’s b-day weekend.) Found out (the hard way) two people *do not* fit into one sleeping back comfortably, overnight , and that dogs will be best friends on a camping trail until they get hungry for the same smoldering pile of horseshit- then its a no holds barred shit show. I also learned the three necessary components for starting a fire- oxygen, energy source, and …there was a third. I can’t remember, I just remember my guess was ‘lighter’. My eggnog whiskey  was well received. Poker was fun. Billy insisted on referring to himself, in the third person, as ‘Big Dawg’, but failed to accompany the reference with an alternate persona. He also kept bringing up to the group that I didn’t technically invite him. I quickly pointed out that his claim was a lie, as I distinctly recalled inviting him the second I found out my team was in need of tent supplies. Billy also found a bunch of mushrooms in the woods and fed them to all my friends (except me). I tried to explain that his ability to eat them first w/o immediately noticeable ramifications only spoke to his built up immunity to his own stupidity, and not to the safety of the mushrooms themselves. Alas, it fell on deaf ears, and everyone but me ate them, loved them, and Billy (much to my chagrin) became the little belle of our camp ball. Campfire songs started strong, but then Cary and Billy started singing the most random ass shit, Cary’s (repeated) contribution was:

and Bilbo went with the Armageddon classic, Aerosmith’s ‘Don’t want to Miss a Thing’. Finally, Gabs, pretty far gone by this point in the evening, chimed in with a remake of Alicia Key’s ‘Girl on Fire’ song,  simply by replacing ‘girl’ with ‘wood’– which was  actually probably my favorite camp fire song of the evening.


January 6th -Plus, Cary loaded new music on my IPOD ,and I made out like a bandit at Goodwill with the purchase of a radio clock ,…that can also charge and play my IPOD …for $7….wha?!!!! 2013 , baby!




january 2nd. thirty pages into Structure , while

munching on espresso beans, sipping my coffee shop coffee,

by the lamp’s light. and dinner with Sean at Monk’s.




thinking where i thought i’d been

not sleeping in my bed,

sleeping in my head



and the resolutions, when we resolve ourselves

are to live the lives we dreamt to lead

to realize those few visions we have chased in our minds

since we first felt the urge to chase,

since we first sensed what it was to love


part of this year’s is to note (at least) one thing that happens each day that brought me happiness, and that i appreciate and am grateful for.

so far, its been too easy a task, as this year has already greeted me with two of the things i was most hopeful for last year: the possibility of selling the house, and becoming a teaching assistant for philosophy of feminism this semester.


january 1st. contract came in on house. kathy was so kind and helpful. enjoyed a beautiful morning walk through a park with sean and izzy. got a beautiful e-post card from my mommy saying happy new year’s. and with the privilege of options, chose to spend my day in the company of some of the friendships here that i am most grateful for