2012.09.30

‘You were a child, crawling on your knees toward it.

Makin’ mama so proud, but your voice was too loud.
We like to watch you laughing.

You pick the insects off plants.

No time to think of consequences.

Control yourself.

Take only what you need from this.

A family of trees wanting,

To be haunted.

 

The water is warm, but it’s sending me shivers.

A baby is born, crying out for attention.

 Memories fade, like looking through a fogged mirror.

 Decision to decisions are made and not bought.

 But I thought, this wouldn’t hurt a lot.

I guess not.’

 

-MGMT, ‘Kids’ lyrics

2012.09.29

I ran a mile today without stopping for breaks; I have a witness.

2012.09.25

Some (arguably, priceless) excerpts from class discussion today

in Modern Logic II:

 

Piers: “So we have, ‘All.. people are rational.’
And, let’s say, ‘Mary is.. a.. person.’
So, therefore, well, err..

Me: “Sayyyy it……”

Piers: ‘Mary ..is…rational… But, presumably, we don’t want Mary to be a necessary existent in all possible worlds..”

Me: “Mmm, agree to disagree, Piers…agree to disagree.”

2012.09.21

We were reading selections from Darwin’s On the Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection for a course I’m taking this semester on the History of Life Sciences. My professor made a comment about how there are a significant number of academic books on the topic of Darwin and his evolutionary theory that have derived their title from direct excerpts of  the final paragraph in this work. Naturally, I began perusing the last paragraph myself to settle on a catchy prospective title of my own. I decided on the very last two words of this celebrated work:   being, evolved. 

Now, I just need to write a book that will really help capture my bad ass title.

2012.09.21

Quotes by Karl Popper:

 

“Whenever a theory appears to you as the only possible one, take this as a sign that you have neither understood the theory nor the problem which it was intended to solve.”

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“Science must begin with myths, and with the criticism of myths.”

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“There is no history of mankind, there are only many histories of all kinds of aspects of human life. And one of these is the history of political power. This is elevated into the history of the world.”

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“Science may be described as the art of systematic over-simplification.”

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2012.09.16

got us into our first substantive fight. and the session ended the way i remeber modern logic would always end last semester: the reverberating echo, ‘the jig is up, mary.’ i wanted to say something like, listen, you really can do much, much better than me. and i’m wasting your time. because that’s what i do, i waste people’s time and energy. i couldn’t even run without coughing up the truth. hany would have loved hearing me get reprimanded. i did learn about the pole in the barn paradox, though, and now i can explain it fairly well myself, thanks to my (way-too-smart-to-be-hanging-out-with-me) friend, aron. anyways, i can’t get work done. i’ve been trying for hours now, but i can’t bracket my mindless chattering; so i’m going to watch a movie i just got invited to instead.

boom. found it.

2012.09.16

‘Under the mother eyes of the Mexican sky
She was happy and had chosen the sun
And it was fate laid in stone
Sacred heart, sacred ground
Her two children and we moved as one

And you said you loved me
You said you loved me

Now there’s something missing when
You’re kissing me
It’s subtle yet it’s gone
And then I’m suspicious
And then it gets vicious
And then it’s a hole right through the heart

And you said you loved me
I thought you loved me

Now there is an ocean of time
Between your life and mine
You look happy
And you’re married I bet
And oh my Lord how you’ve grown
To find me still alone
I am humble
I’m still trying to forget

When you said you loved me
I thought you loved me’

-Devotchka

2012.09.16

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the parable of the zombie fairy

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once upon a time a fuzzy zombie fairy had unintentionally crafted some controversial storyline that didn’t jive well for his whole cutesy-fairy political gig, nor was it really intellgiible in terms of his personal zombie narrative, but that struck him as the most aesthetically pleasing creation he could have ever (intentionally or unintentionally) conjured up. eventually, some of the townsmen, worried about the potential compromise of their own hand crafted interactive narratives, asked him if they should be concerned as to whether he honestly believed any of his own nonsense. to which the zombie fairy calmly and coldly replied: of course not, i’m very obviously not the type that could, nor would i ever be the type to destroy myself– or others’ patterns; i’m merely the type to lie about whether or not i was or would or should.

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2012.09.15

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dear sean, thank you for the birthday wishes. it was a great weekend. i went out with friends to waterworks on friday night. got drunk and danced…aggressively…with my fingers in the air (i know you have the visual). cary and billy came out too to help me celebrate.  mom and dad came up sunday to spend the day with me. i showed them my office and my apartment and lake ella, and then took them to pitaria for lunch. mom framed two nice family photos from our trip to D.C. for me and gave them to me as a gift. i put them up in my office. dad bought me a fan to compensate for the no a.c. situation in my apartment. i think i am going to return it to wal-mart though, and then i’d have $70. he also got me a life supply of baklava from pitaria, on a whim. i saved you a piece, but eventually i was worried it would go bad. so i ate it. so i owe you a peice of baklava. then, on monday, gabrielle, amanda, hannah, emily, thane, edwin, edwin’s sister, chad, jeff o.,and  jeff h. shocked me with another (surprise!) birthday celebration–that included a vegan potluck (yum!), a specially made vegan birthday cake (super yum!), and plenty of group love! i couldn’t stop myself from tearing up when they started singing. so embarrassing. but it was so kind of them to do and it really meant so much to me. i’m so lucky to have made such an amazing and supportive group of friends here. i’m presenting one of my philosophy papers next week. you were right about philosophy. i wish you would be there. i think you’d be proud. how’s the stand up writing? i’d still love to come out. i know you’ll let me know when i can.  i’m trying to find that song i was telling you about. damn my inability to learn singers’ names and songs’ titles. i heard a pretty fun joke the other day that i think you would really appreciate. mr. kitty stares at me when i’m changing. my hair is falling out. how are your parents? i want to show you piney-z sometime. i know you’ll let me know when i can. last, but not least, i miss you so much more than i could ever convey with these stupid fucking disgusting symbols. right again.  love, mary

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2012.09.15

decision space to interface

too fleeting and frail

to have you here

straight lacing

my queer

rainbow

style

2012.09.12

‘I am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me…because of a peculiar disposition of the eyes of those with whom I come in contact. A matter of the construction of their inner eyes.’

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-Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man

‘The universalizing pretensions of Western philosophy, which by its very abstractness and distance from vulgar reality seemed to be all-inclusive of human experience, are thereby shown to be illusory.

 

White (male) philosophy’s confrontation of Man and Universe, or even Person and Universe, is really predicated on taking personhood for granted and thus excludes the differential experience of those who have ceaselessly had to fight to have their personhood recognized in the first place.

 

Without even recognizing that it is doing so, Western philosophy abstracts away from what has been the central feature of the lives of Africans transported against their will to the Americas: the denial of black humanity and the reactive, defiant assertion of it.

 

Secure in the uncontested sum of the leisurely Cartesian derivation, whites find it hard to understand the metaphysical rage and urgency permeating the non-Cartesian sums of those invisible native sons and daughters who, since nobody knows their name, have to be the men who cry “I am!” and the women who demand “And ain’t I a woman?”

 

From the beginning, therefore, the problems faced by those categorized as persons and those categorized as subpersons will be radically different.

 

One can no longer speak with quite such assurance of the problems of philosophy; rather, these are the problems for particular groups of human beings, and for others there will be different kinds of problems that are far more urgent.

 

A relativizing of the discipline’s traditional hierachies of importance and centrality thuse becomes necessary.’

 

– Charles W. Mills, Excerpt from Blackness Visible

 

2012.09.01

while i sit here now thinking how i lost the right to your company
while i sat there yesterday listening to your jokes
while i sat in my office a few months back listening to your excuses
i can't help but think everything my father said was right
and i hate myself hating him villifying you all and judging me
worthless powerless brainless spineless and lustful little girl

2012.09.01

oh see, dee
tis the sea, son
to shed in the show, err
to scrub the slow, flakes away
to scream at the bottom
and scrape to the top
of our lungs