Doubt About

January 5, 2012

I don’t know what I want to feel (but I’ll try anything to feel). I don’t know what I want to see happen. I don’t know what should matter (or if that matters?). I’m not sure what is right. I know I tend (to pretend?) to care about the most mediocre bullshit. (Who knows why?) I know my imagination used to be enough of an escape; and that it seems like its not anymore. (I wish I knew why.) More and more, I find I can’t convince myself that others are worth convincing of my self in service to their selves. I’m (finally?) disillusioned by my (favorite?) storyline that I am a loan and not alone but (for all I know?) I am. I am trying to try to be able (to be stable?) ((to stay?)) to say that I tried. I am dimly aware that I wear holes in the present.

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