2011.10.29

it's paper pumping day. then i think i'm going to be a runner. a long distance runner. when i grow up next time
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2011.10.28

saw you in the wild

knew you in the wild

you were nervous, you were furious
you were very sure-footed
your dreams and intentions
full of wonder and amazement
the fire in your eyes
you were in your disguise
you were haunted you were hollow
you could not see tomorrow

in the books, in the trees
you were spreading your beliefs
and their hats all went off to you
they were trying to show respect for you

holding onto high ideals
living incongruously
you were there among the leaves
your needs were directing you
and the wilderness, it spoke to you
they were threatening to choke you
you were always aware
you could sense that i was there

i could tell by your look
you came from a book
and i read many times
all your funniest lines
and the branches with the sages
i turned all the pages
we were two sets of eyes
two fires burning behind

in the wild,
i saw you in the wild
i knew you in the wild’

-Lyrics: Saw You in the Wild (Great Lake Swimmers)

2011.10.28

saw harold and maude. if you haven't seen it. stop what you're doing and see it. kicked the grapevines crawling i'll never worry what everyone of those simples think about me ever never again and its going to be ballroom break room dancing crawling spiraling teletranportasis hologramophantistic belligerent beauty. i think that's it, folks. cramberinlicorice rice patty dreamers provostogranphibians capital I have always been capital A bsurd ly infatuated with novelty of the moment and the charming quadrant that don't get attached find it so super endearing and the measly mumps meandering saints who do get attached find it super subversive find me incredibly manipulative project all kinds of malasardonisticity i don't drive i don't intentionally drive the cars we're born into them blazing screaming scorching flowering flaming flourishing festivities. so i blame it on my body. capital I have nothing to do with it. its all the water i keep drinking. that's the source. that's the culprit picklers pickle pick me up piggy back push parade me around polish my spectacles, spectacle. make me shine for you, spectacle.

2011.10.28

 

Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes:

“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.”

“There are no facts, only interpretations.”

“The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.”

“Be careful, lest in casting out your demon you exorcise the best thing in you.”

“There are no beautiful surfaces without a terrible depth.”

“What, if some day or night a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you: ‘This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more’ … Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus? Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment when you would have answered him: ‘You are a god and never have I heard anything more divine.”

“That which is done out of love is always beyond good and evil.”

“The higher we soar the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly.”

“Today as always, men fall into two groups: slaves and free men. Whoever does not have two-thirds of his day for himself, is a slave, whatever he may be: a statesman, a businessman, an official, or a scholar.”

“The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night.”

2011.10.26

Edgar Allan Poe Quotes:

 

“All religion, my friend, is simply evolved out of fraud, fear, greed, imagination, and poetry. “

“All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.”

“Beauty of whatever kind, in its supreme development, invariably excites the sensitive soul to tears.”

2011.10.26

whoah with the dancing
hollering this won't be the end of us
flowering frightening
storm chasing lightning rod
glittering glowering
menacing fatal flaw
he kept shaking me
and waking me
telling me
_______
we only live once

2011.10.26

coin laundry pondering wandering scheme
dirty dishes dismantled in the corn field
bible sitting by the pond
soup starring evening
we were banned
blinded
banished
_____
we were young

2011.10.24

2011.10.24

Noam Chomsky Quotes:
_____________________
“The whole educational and professional training system is a very elaborate filter, which just weeds out people who are too independent, and who think for themselves, and who don’t know how to be submissive, and so on — because they’re dysfunctional to the institutions.” 

“That is what I have always understood to be the essence of anarchism: the conviction that the burden of proof has to be placed on authority, and that it should be dismantled if that burden cannot be met.”

“The smart way to keep people passive and obedient is to strictly limit the spectrum of acceptable opinion, but allow very lively debate within that spectrum.”

“I think it only makes sense to seek out and identify structures of authority, hierarchy, and domination in every aspect of life, and to challenge them; unless a justification for them can be given, they are illegitimate, and should be dismantled, to increase the scope of human freedom.”

“Most problems of teaching are not problems of growth but helping cultivate growth. As far as I know, and this is only from personal experience in teaching, I think about ninety percent of the problem in teaching, or maybe ninety-eight percent, is just to help the students get interested. Or what it usually amounts to is to not prevent them from being interested. Typically they come in interested, and the process of education is a way of driving that defect out of their minds. But if children[‘s] … normal interest is maintained or even aroused, they can do all kinds of things in ways we don’t understand.”

2011.10.24

My Super Great Day
By: Mary Marcous

`         Today was a super great day! I woke up early and I saw the outside and it was beautiful and fresh and sunny and bright. It was a perfect Sunday. I had a lot of homework, but that did not make me sad. I decided I would do my homework outside so it wouldn’t even feel like I was working. My friend Jeff and me met up at my favorite park. Jeff was supposed to hide but I found him super fast because I’m really good at winning most structured competitive games. We saw kids, turtles, and duck-like turkeys. I explained to Jeff how people have been mistaking these local domesticated turkeys that live by the lake for ducks for centuries. Jeff did not agree with me, but he considered my hypothesis and explained to me how some people might challenge my claim. Next, I saw a teeny tiny ant that was trying to carry a huge worm all by itself. I tried to get another ant to help out. I explained to Jeff that they were now a happy team working together for the greater good. Jeff did not agree with me, but he considered my hypothesis and explained to me how some people might challenge my claim. I got so much reading done! Finally, we went for pizza. It was super yummy! I learned that cattle ranchers are not the most trusting or easy going people and that I’d probably like living in Oregon. I also learned that there are other cool people that like Dolly Parton. I wish everyone could have a super great day as super great as mine.

The end.

2011.10.23

that smile. think, in fact, this is about me learning what faith feels like. and maybe how to trust. and what to believe in. something genuine. someone real.

2011.10.21



______

process and play
pilgrimage south
early morning pioneer
_______

2011.10.15

i could never do the creativity and rapid succession of novel events that comprised this week near justice  humbled by a kindred fellow traveler who is creating an alternative path but we speak in language capable of evolving and adapting to our divergences in exploration so communication will be mutually invaluable means to our inextricably linked ends  and then there was the part where i got rendered attention-less attention for physical appearance instead of awareness and thinking capacity in the context i least had hoped it would occur. and my challenge at articulation of formulating idea well and no one came to the rescue no one engaged in dialectically instead presumed incoherency and irrationality and yet again it happened in the context i least had hoped it would occur but then it was freedom flowing nowhere my favorite episode on the back of a motorbike to truck graveyards witnessed nature immasculating science and technology and fell in love with this expression-less experience this epistemic immanence of a seed of truth in a forest of lies. and my god conversations with my god men and my godless men that leave my mind spiraling blazing new tunnels and precipices and the music and sound of talented musicians offering their incredible seeds of truth packaged in the most beautiful and thoughtful wrapping paper and truth was the theme this week that in all these experiences were seeds of truth and the germination of longing for

2011.10.15

if you don't see what i see, and i see what you see, the humble assumption is not that i can't see or that i don't see right or correctly. the humble assumption is not that i am 'speaking incoherently'. especially if the alleged operating assumption is we are equally capable of accessing and utilizing reasons. it might be that my contextually dependent point of view notices the primacy of certain ropes of the net and relates the relevance and primacy of certain reasons accordingly. it might be outside the point of view and framework by which you are rationalizing. but to assume incoherency is taking your own perspective as absolute certainty. to assume incommensurability of our perspectives can be less dogmatic and more humble a determination, but still falls short of the ideal in my eyes: that all points of view are always, in principle, theoretically commensurable. this is the perspectival lens by which i render my faith in the possibility for objectivity in science and reason. she may seem like the most foreign foreigner all the way on the opposite side of the world from you,  and she may be. from the point of you. from that point of view. but you can choose to adjust and readjust the focus of the lens.  cast the net from any number of different angles and in any number of directions. and you find out she is your other worlds and quiet or temporarily absent neighbor next door. that you have known her and loved her you whole life. you have understood why  and how and what and where she was coming from all this time- you have shared in Truth together all along. Truth together, All along.

so the problem is something like this: not much is out of bounds in the name of shuffling through frames quickly enough to keep my attention so the party in Jax was lovely and classy and spin the tale on the donkey bites some planning for sky diving catching up with old friends cultured contained refined and bid them ado fully intending to make it back to Tally maybe meet up cary and bilbo or meet up with roommates but it would be chill non nonsense eve of drinking and my nerve wires calculating alternatives end full stop. and it all started when i stopped for gas and souped up super bright cars with massive metallic rims and big deal african exchanges and cat calling so just pay to pump but whats this one of the boys is behind me in line and will not be planning on not saying something on his mind are you guys racing? yeah come check out my wheels bright bright blue and blaring their presence had taken over this gas station and it was intoxicating: they were living loudly at least for the evening Trevor explained who’s car was who’s car and who should of stayed home let me mess with the buttons and lights like a little kid with no inkling as to what kind of world these video game controllers summoned ride with me? it’s a 30 minute deck two of the bridges the bridges! not worried about the cops since when is a sly smile and crazy eye good enough a reply i can’t say but smearing the colorful lights of downtown with our windows wide open and the zig zag mania of maniacal disregard but i was on too high to feel music syncing up with my heart beat and the frequencies and who’s the girl Mary laughing by the water and you do what? read, really just in school reading and the laughs at this house are the best most robust and contagious laughs i have ever heard in my entire life and the scene okay one of the last thirteen major decisions i made got me here the linen lines room are not safe i can’t play here long but the intrigue and amusement over a phd candidate in philosophy you do grin when you consider this context-dependent absurdity of presence even when immediately accepted charming enough and accessible. but i’m still driving and just like he promised the gas station my car just where it was left why don’t you just stay? no i promised i’d make a drive to daytona (closer than tally, and safer bet) church in the morning Trevor’s super serious punch line alright let me see what i can pull big fan of the afro-baptist church experience and drive music up let’s see pretending the whole way down my car was souped sophisticated windows and radio waves and this can’t be too unlike being air borne. then home to this safe and simple warm welcoming little niche i have dug up that isn’t home but where he and i watch movies and the dogs lick my face and love on us sharing space-time intimately giving him a hard time and everything is removed so removed from my world this homespun all-american nocturnal cocoon morning comes and i take off quietly make through to Jax stop by for church and meet the whole lovely family and singing no one sings better and i’m confident the holiest places on earth happen in afro churches and every hat leaves paint brush pining on the heart thank you pastor the service was lovely and the dining hall i gave this outline on last week’s lecture on the distinction between soul and body grand group discussion and feel so safe and welcomed and our minds turned to the biscuits and gravy mill and finally got some coffee in my system in time to ca ruise back to tally just in time to crash in my bed just long enough to greet the next evening’s plans. fair enough questions to be greeted with how why when was surprise trip to Jacksonville and how do you go all night us you haven’t slept yet and Travis and me watch colbert and i finish my sub to divide the next day beginning end full stop.

cost a

2011.10.08

i can't reel the twenty four hour vertigo rolls and bottoms out  tarantula barnacles binocular speed.
i can't live up this cycling past responsibility rodents parachuting kitten gorges.
i can't keep lying through teeth decay into your dark pupil peels.
i can't deep cut skid marks with my lips manipulating display counters.
self ish  narrow minded  blinded fervor
i can't remember one redeeming thing about you.
and even  pretending i do has become  unbearable.
so please just leave me alone.

2011.10.08

You walk along the stream
 Your head caught in a waking dream
Keep your secrets with you, girl-
 Safe from the outside world.'
     
       -Fleet Foxes (song lyrics)

Was yesterday (but I’m still riding the high from it today!). The course is Introduction to Philosophy. The topic was Mind/Body Dualism, with a special focus on ‘The Disembodiment Argument’ (a modern day extension of a Cartesian-style argument in defense of state dualism). It was 120 students and I was so-super-anxious of presenting. I over-prepared and embedded a whole bunch of questions into my notes in hopes to fuel class discussion. I think philosophy is super-interesting (especially topics such as mind/body debate) and it blows my mind when people aren’t all about it the minute you try and start a discussion in that direction (as opposed to, say, a discussion geared towards an evaluation of Starbucks service on campus)-but I digress. The lecture went well, really well. I didn’t know that during the lecture, but I noted students seemed to be paying attention and focused on me whenever I’d peer out to the sea of heads. While I had no problem covering all the material in the time allotted, given that I default-speak at about a mile a minute (and double that time when I’m in anxious-excited-presenter mode), I do regret not better pacing myself (better as in slower, easier to follow) but of all the things I thought could go wrong, my rapid-speak proclivities were not the end of the world. When it was all said and done, students were dismissed with a few minutes to spare. I didn’t know for sure if I had been even remotely comprehensible, and while some good discussion and questions had emerged, the discussion hadn’t taken on a life of its own, as I had hoped. Maybe philosophy isn’t as super-cool and interesting as I think it is–was the thought I was left toying with as I began shutting down the power point and packing my material. While students shuffled in lines out the classroom, a small group of students shuffled into a line towards my podium. One by one, they came up to let me know what a great job they thought I did, and how much they had enjoyed the lecture. Two students made comments about how interesting they felt the topic was and how it was making them think about related issues in science courses they were taking, two other students came up to apologize for not saying more during the discussion but explaining that there were very engaged in the matter, and just too worried about how well they would be able to articulate themselves or organize all the thoughts that were running through their heads. One other student wanted to know if I’d be giving any more lectures during the semester. Matt, my friend and fellow TA for the course, also gave me positive and constructive feedback. Since the lecture, two female students have approached me to ask questions about pursuing a major in Philosophy. Clearly, I hadn’t bombed. Some of the questions I had embedded in the presentation did require higher-order reasoning skills, and at times I wasn’t careful with using the most accessible vocabulary, and those factors were likely hindrances to facilitating discussion participation at the level I had hoped. But there was evidence that students were thinking and engaged and into it and minds were ‘racing’ and ‘make connections’ and I was left with such a sensation of accomplishment- that I’m facilitating something worthwhile and invaluable- sparking moments of critical thinking and self-reflexivity- challenging perspectives to challenge and develop their own perspectives in a novel and significant way. So, the most terrifying and anxiety-ridden responsibility I had taken on since starting my graduate career (this 1 hr 15 min lecture to a class of 120 students), resulted in the most rewarding and affirming experience thus far that the graduate school context is maybe exactly where I belong.

2011.10.05

“My religion is based on truth and non-violence. Truth is my God. Non-violence is the means of realising Him.”

-Mohandas Gandhi

“This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.”

-Dalai Lama

“After coming into contact with a religious man I always feel I must wash my hands.”

-Friedrich Nietzsche

2011.10.04

the days of worrying sick over earning the big boy’s pat on the back and A+ for effort towards embracing indoctrination or being a proud indentured slave to the status quo of modern finance systems of exploitation are counted or were counted and now shelved or about to be shelved and counted and in any case all together ready to be memory of past particle of what might have been had one never been predisposed to wishful thinking of a deviant breed that sleeps with its master at night and says the things that sound alright counting sheep that count on attacks in those cheerios you choke up at breakfast for news found your eyes staring at the front page unable to grasp at adaptive capacity

2011.10.01

“My head”, we remembered. The swelling up in balloon shaped prisms, water sheds.  “Tinker with it, it implodes”, we went on. “The mothballs are actually moths, and the neurons are stars!” Makes us shudder experiencing this god awful and irreconcilable calibration process with a Mad Machine. “It’s not going to work.  Is it?”  pleading eyes, powerful, peaceful, pleading. They turned away, mortified. “What do you know about my head?”  we probed coyly, menacing gaze less, feigning intrigue for the spectacle. the spectacular spectacle of dogma and darkness. where free tickets never cost so much.

“All the memories are dreams”, we heard one of them suggest.

“No, your wrong. It’s the other way around. The dreams are all memories.”

“How can we calibrate, if they won’t acknowledge the objective truth?”  We smiled. We went back to sleep.