This made me laugh pretty damn hard.

2011.03.26

My dad and Teets (his mother) came to spend the night at my place last night, bringing along the best of the world the sensory palate could ever indulge in:

Sounds

-Arabic music playing loudly off  youtube

-Dad’s online poker game registering coins falling loudly per all major wins through the wee hours of the night

-Teets yelling and cursing her minions over the phone for hours on in for falling short on numerous shady-unspoken directives

Smells

-the fond childhood aroma of stale-choking cigarette smoke

-Wet-hot-stinky-Arab-cheese

-Dad yelling at my dogs for not understanding his detailed directives. Ex. ‘Come Lezzy (not my dog’s name) sit over here by this chair and be a good boy (not my dog’s gender) so I don’t hit you.’ Said twice more, steadily increasing decibels, until Teets yelled at dad to stop yelling so loud when she was trying to yell over the phone.

Sights

-Teets yelling at dad in Arabic and cursing that he is her son.

-Dad playing on the computer, trying to pull up Egyptian singers and Al-Jazeera while vibrantly relaying his most recent, overly dramatized escapades, as well as letting off steam about how Teets won’t get off his back and give him his space and let him live his life.

The highlight of the night,as far as I’m concerned (besides my father’s unparalleled story telling), was definitely a point where I caught dad looking up from the computer screen and gazing at Teets (in what genuinely seemed like a very nostalgic and affectionate manner, to the otherwise untrained eye) while she was literally screaming on the phone to someone about something that hadn’t been done ‘according to plan’. I asked my dad what he was thinking (which I rarely do, for various and unrelated reasons) and his gaze moved slowly and thoughtfully from Teets (his mother and life-long critic/supporter) to me.

“Y’know, (long pause and big eyes and sincere soft smile all unfolding before me)..that    woman     really    makes me miserable.”

This made me laugh pretty damn hard.

My laughing so hard then made my dad start laughing too (dad sincerely loves to make people laugh and I think its what I adore most about him).

Then Teets, sensing herself implicated in the genesis of said laughter, perked her stout torso up directly to address us, putting her minion on hold just long enough to question and accuse dad of making fun of her in English while rattling  off some heartfelt string of calculated insults (in Arabic, of course) about dad and his ways with a disappointing and judgmental look only a mother can administer to tear open the heart of her runts while seamlessly ripping their life spirit from their jugulars without ever –technically– having layed a finger on them. My Teets is a 4 ft 11 inch, stout little ole’ bad-ass motherf**** and will cut you and feed you to your kids if you get in the way of her weekly Wal-Mart and church and flea market itineraries OR any of her otherwise nefarious, profit-driven initiatives. She’s a real cutie though and people just eat her up. It makes sense though, if someone challenged me to package pure evil in a meat suit no one would ever suspect, I don’t think I could have come up with a better template than my dear, sweet Teets.

God, I really love that woman.

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2 Responses to “This made me laugh pretty damn hard.”

  1. Essie Awadalla said

    This is so funny. I remember the first time I met your grandmother, and she told me I needed lipstick on my lips to look much better. Hahaha! You gotta love families! Don’t worry, I have a bunch of family stories of my own that I can write a best seller too.

    • C.M.Marcous said

      haha yeaaaah,that sounds about right. Rest assure, if I had a dollar for every time she’s recommended make-up or a push-up bra for me…well I could probably have bought said items, had I felt so inclined. 🙂

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